close friends
i'm awesome
fun to be around
all that bullshit
all lies
you can never tell a friend they're ugly to their face
i see myself in the mirror
the same image everyone else sees
i see filth
ugliness
a face that could never resemble beauty
perfection
tranquility
grace
charm
finesse
an anomaly
defection
mistake
something that never should have emerged
blossomed
matured
a being that cannot even tolerate itself
is a being that should be in being at all
should not exist
survive
or progress into the future
a being of this nature
lives only through misery
self hatred
loathing
and agony
never to succeed
advance
or contribute anything to this world
a being that was never meant to be
to only fail day after day
time after time
i'm a being that should never have been
i am a mistake
i am my own enemy
my only enemy
why?
there is never an answer to such question
why do i hate myself?
because i always have
have i ever done some horrible deed to deserve this?
nothing but exist
have i ever, in any way, destroyed another human being physically or mentally?
never, i cannot stand the site of another person in pain
so what have i done?
nothing to upset
nothing to disappoint
but only myself
with some disillusion of inadequacy
that i place upon myself
which has manifested itself into hatred
towards my own self
all the bitterness i receive from the world
the hate, the anger, the indifference
i project onto myself
i don't wish these emotions to exist outside my inner self
i wish to see the outside world in a golden light
all those negative emotions most perceive in the outside world
i ignore
take in
and absorb into my essence
take them on as my responsibility
the fault rests on me
and turn against myself
fight against myself
instead of the problems of this world
that i encounter everyday
and turn a blind eye to
but everyday i progress
break free from this destructive pattern
and liberate myself
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