fuck you ~!~

and the feeling is no longer mutual

cycling between thoughts
between people

one day it's you
another it's him
and now, neither
tomorrow, both?

time's elapsed
weeks have been spent fantasizing over one
days over the other
always someone
someone
until now

an entire summer spent
allowing my imagination to run rampant
no longer do i desire someone
as i had in those days


what i desire now is something else entirely
something i have yet to experience
with a someone i have yet to meet

the future involves change
my future involves change
needs change
will change

not worth it ~!~

i'll spend my time with someone i know wants me
rather than waste my time with someone who might

fairy tale ~!~

this weekend
a wonderland
spent dancing in the woods

connected with the forest
at peace with myself
one with the beauty of nature

the beauty of the forest
reflected onto myself
i felt beautiful both inside and out
i experienced all emotions
at once, independently

time no longer existed
the past
the future
neither mattered


an eye opening experience

one of those nights ~!~

it's one of those nights
where i'm kept awake
by thoughts of the future

what happens after college
will i be stuck with my parents
having never succeeded in getting my own place
slaving away at marshalls until i find some other mediocre job
then maybe, possibly, heading to grad school
part time of course
in the years to follow
paying off those fuckin student loans
slowly
slowly

will i even find a job for the coming semester
make enough money to support my habits
enough to save away
for argentina
for an apartment
or will i be jobless
bumming money, drugs, booze left and right
stuck home again for the summer
for the coming year
leaving everyone in NY behind once i graduate


or maybe i will find that job
save up the money
split a place with a friend
remain there after school's all said and done
find some grad school
add to the student debt
finish
and then worry about how to pay all that shit off
the debt
the apartment
the bills
but not give a fuck because i'm free

yeah, i hope that what happens

more and more

remembering more and more
every night
hopefully soon
i'll recall in vivid detail
the journeys i go on
once my eyes close

vibes ~!~

this weekend
a mix of good and bad vibes

insanity'
energy

almost too much of a good thing



dancing non stop
almost too much
even for me

the people
amazing
pure
fun
raging, but in a good way

felt at home
a place
i fit in