anger anger fury

sometimes people just anger me
they say they forgive you for your faults
your mistakes
then they use both against you
as basis for why they no longer care about you

don't lie, you never cared
never fucking cared
and i thought i didn't either
but once i started to you stopped

couldn't handle me
handle this
i don't know, you wouldn't say
and if i didn't tell you what was going on in my mind you got upset
but then when i did tell you the happenings in my mind
if i told too much it scared you off
and scared you off it did
far far away
even when i believed i managed to tone down myself
to an acceptable rate for you to handle
you eventually fled

after stringing me along for those few weeks
and in these weeks i questioned why i wanted to stay with you

i'm an idealist at heart
i suppose
always believing people will eventually change
and everything will work itself out
i wanted to stay with the idea of who i thought you could be
and you couldn't be him
you couldn't ever be him

i need a man that is there for me
a man to lend a shoulder for me to cry on when i need to
when i enter moments in my life where i lose all sense of hope
i'll recover
i always do
and i need someone who knows i can

you were not that person
i found someone, long ago, who was
he moved, far away
i thought i had gotten over him
and then i saw him again, for only a short amount of time
and remembered what it felt like to be truly cared for

even after feeling this way again
i still wanted to believe i could make us work
but shortly after you ended it
and maybe it was for the best


so you want to be friends
they always want to be friends
you're an awesome person

if i'm so awesome then why'd you leave?

i forgive you for what you did

then why bring it up?

if you really wanted to be friends
then why so bitter towards me?
you don't want to be friends
so stop fucking toying with me

i'm sick of your games
your fucking lies
and you


i know chances are you'll never read this blog
this one won't make it to facebook

you probably don't even care what goes on in my life anymore
even though you assure me you that "you're happy i'm happy"

but i need to get this off my chest
i've been holding it in far too long
and to watch these words
unfold on the screen

let my fingers express
the racing thoughts in my mind
in a way verbal words don't seem to

just liberates me



and if you do happen to come across this entry
this entry was not meant for you

this entry was for me


/end of rant