i want a man like this.
i love feminine men
beautiful hair
flawless complexion
perfect fashion sense
thin bodies
lean muscle
emotional
dramatic
decent makeup-usage

i want a man like this
some others may see him as less than a man
i don't
i wouldn't want my man any other way


can we add artist
poet
artist
dancer
singer
choreographer
actor
writer
editor


to my list
i want a man in the creative field
regardless of what it is


actually i'd love a man that speaks multiple languages
a multi cultural man
with a desire to travel
and experience different cultures
that is that is the perfect man for me



does he exist?

sleep the day away

my first day of four off at work
i spend it sleeping until 12
lounge around the house
stuff my face
and am just leaving the house now to pick up my paycheck

i hate having cramps
on rainy, thunderstorm ridden days
it means i don't leave the house
i spend all day sleeping

at least tomorrow will be better
no rain
beach time
show at night

insert metal

last december i got my first nose piercing
a month later i got my second
after that i wanted more
i wanted more bits of metal stabbed through my skin
i couldn't determine where
a couple of places come to mind
belly button
lip
collar bone
hip bone
ear

maybe i'll get them all
one at a time, however
i have a hard enough time cleaning one piercing
my lifestyle leaves me passing out in the early hours of the morning, still attired in the dress of the previous day
or i find myself sharing my bed, unclothed, clearly not taking my before bed piercing cleaning into consideration

i am shocked my nose piercings didn't become infected
or at the very least irritated

maybe i do have some good luck after all

catch some zzz

after a trying day at work all i could manage to do when returning home was collapse on to my couch
i haven't napped in quite some time
even a week ago, working my 7 to 3 shift, i never once slept during the day
sleeping during the day comes easier to me than sleep at night
once the clock strikes midnight i'm awarded with an extra boost of energy
even when i am exhausted
and lie in bed at 10 o clock
my body refuses to shut down
i'll be curled up in bed
eyes closed
mind racing
for hours at a time
falling asleep four to five hours after i had anticipated
waking up every half or so
until i must roll out of bed and resume my work schedule

the only time i'm able to effectively sleep is after a night spent with my dear friend, merlot
a couple of glasses of that
some oxy
and i'll be out within an hour

excellent sleep too

slave from eight to four

work
work
work
work
8 to 4
monday
to
friday

work. nap. eat. pass out. work. repeat.

too tired to do anything else

sleep away the free time

don't trust the hoe

some people may consider some of my actions promiscuous. i don't consider myself a whore or slut, i simply enjoy sexual contact with other individuals without a close emotional connection needed. sex feels good, even simply making out is enjoyable.
i may hook up with men i haven't known for a long period of time, men i am not even emotionally interested in, but that doesn't make me any less of a woman. it doesn't mean i'm a whore. doesn't make me a bad or horrible person.
i simply think of hooking up as an activity i enjoy engaging in. whether it be with a significant other, a stranger or a close friend.
i look forward to the start of the school year when i'll be able to find new people to have some fun with. maybe find a good man that satisfies both my emotional and sexual needs. until then, i'll sample the men that i do run across, and see what happens from there.

reality

a crutch for those who can't cope with drugs.

drugs bring you to a whole new plane
a place you cannot achieve on your own
another universe
some let you see deeper inside your own inner realm
others allow for an escape

either way, drugs are not necessarily an evil
it all depends on you
and how you deal with them

don't give me that "i can have fun without booze and drugs" bull shit
because i can too
but sometimes i prefer to have fun with them

java time

i'm addicted to starbucks. i can't even enjoy a cup of coffee elsewhere now. dunkin donuts, tim hortons, javapalooza, etc. just don't cut it anymore. starbucks must be slipping crack into their coffee, this is the only explanation behind my addiction to their java. every morning, before work, i must stop by and grab my quad espresso, or i'm in a horrible mood all day. the four shots of espresso do nothing towards giving me energy anymore either, they simply keep the headaches at bay, and my mood in line.
back in high school, i used to make at least four trips to starbucks a day. i've managed to cut it down to just one now. back at college, i spent a majority of my time in starbucks. mainly, i enjoyed the atmosphere there, and did a lot of school work in there, regardless of whether or not i actually bought a drink. normally, i'd have a cup of coffee, a quad espresso and a soy cappucino per day. meal points didn't really seem to me like money, so i didn't care that i was spending over ten dollars a day on java. i do miss the starbucks on campus though, even if it was obscenely crowded, loud and the workers were rather slow. i miss it as i do the rest of stony brook. even the parts i consatntly complained about i miss.

one more month to go.

woo.

rough summer

it's been an interesting summer thus far.
i've gotten a glimpse at family secrets. it's made me want to look further into everything my family's hiding.
i've been working more than i ever have. in a job i've hated the most. with customers that make me want to beat them down with high heeled shoes.
dealt with relationship problems i've never experienced before. never had to deal with being on break, never had to convince someone to continue dating me, never cheated on someone before, never blatantly lied about relationship status, never been broken up with.
gotten over relationship issues quicker than i ever have before.
started realizing it's not all my fault, and began to recognize other people's faults.
once single, realized that i am not as unattractive as i used to think.
never thought many men would find me attractive, this summer has changed that opinion.

my blogging will not be consistent.
will not be complete.
sentences will not be correct or full
there will be many short phrases
broken lines
whatever i feel like writing at the moment

all based on my mind set
my state of mind
and everything going on around me


right now i am okay
i'm better than okay
i am looking forward to new beginnings
new experiences
relarionships
people
places

the future looks bright
in a way it hasn't in awhile