ominous future ~!~

racing thoughts
racing thoughts
racing thoughts

preventing my slumber

visions of the future
the immediate
the long term
the end

an apartment
a car
a job
how will i afford all i need?
how will i survive on my own?

wrinkles
fat
old age taking over
no longer able to continue with my old life
growing old is terrifying
everything i engage in now frowned upon at such an age

the finale
that split second
or those long aching moments
lingering until it all ends

the pain, the agony
or maybe none at all
regardless the way achieving the ultimate end

then after?
nothing
darkness?
the body gone
the mind gone
the soul gone?

simply erased? as if never there
no words left
no thoughts
just nothing

or maybe another chance
opening your eyes in another world
from the eyes of a new person
a new you
to lead a new life

or perhaps the soul does survive past the body
and awaits final judgement
to spend eternity in some various afterlife


these thoughts
always running through my head when i wish they wouldn't
the moments when i long for
need sleep
the most

always preventing it from occurring

as long as i remain awake
active
these thoughts cannot consume me
cannot become real
as long as i keep moving
keep awake
i shall not grow old
i shall not die

at least
it's a temporary belief