therapy ~!~

dbt therapy
three times a week
three hours a day
at 9 am

and it's a ton of bullshit

i can't relate to these people at all
i don't feel the way they do

can't work themselves to get out of bed in the morning
a prolonged, everlasting feeling of sadness
of nothing
of anger
etc

i rarely feel depressed
anger and hatred are my vices
and they come and go
just like that

no warning
just here, and gone


and then back to normal


and these skills they give us
to cope with life
i know them all
practice them all without realizing it
every single fuckin day

and i've been able to heal myself
and work through my own problems


these people treat me like a child
like i can't recognize the way i feel
that any time i go out, and enjoy a drink
or a smoke, i'm using it as a means to numb my feelings

fuck this bullshit

hello ~!~

hello, i love you
won't you tell me your name?

hello, i'm good for nothing
will you love me just the same?


i never fail to ruin a good thing
and don't remember how
or why

unrequited ~!~

unrequited love, or lust
for once, not on my part

sabotaging my attempts
at some form of relationship
taken to any sort of level
other than friendship

exaggerations and lies
exchanged when i was vulnerable

foolishly believed
and acted upon
only to then learn the truth


everything seems repaired
.....seems

sheltered ~!~

beginning to give up
lose hope

too sheltered
too scared
too passive
never breaking free
experiencing new places
new people
afraid of change
of independence
relying on others to make decisions
to choose their future
their path
never deciding for themselves

beginning to break
i can't handle this for much longer

frustration
anger
irritation

mature
develop
break out of your fuckin' shells

i need people to accompany on my adventures

taking it back to the old school ~!~

feeling like i'm back in high school
all starry eyed
with a nice pair of rose colored glasses

excited easily and frequently
over the silliest things
conversations
people
person

in and out ~!~

as easily as i fell in
i fell out

once, consuming my mind
now, barely a fleeting thought

not so dismal ~!~

this summer may prove to be somewhat exciting after all

i won't be stuck in this state every weekday
every weekend
i'll be here and there

visiting this person
that person

with new experiences
visiting new places

and most of all, recovering from the year

orgiastic dancing ~!~

a community set far into the woods
away from civilization
from problems
responsibilities

a time to feel liberated
enjoying ones natural self
as nature had intended

pure ecstacy
energy
fufillment

dancing
cuddling
fucking
from dusk til dawn

FWB ~!~

i used to be an advocate
now i'm second guessing

different options
with more stability
certainty
are appearing
more and more

a better fit for me

invasions ~!~

invading my dreams
of night
of day
my thoughts

the one constant
ever since those last few

who'd have ever thought
you'd consume my mind