eight legged freaks ~!~

the spiders are hard at work
engulfing my patio
within their silken web

intricate patterns floating over all
swaying with the gentle breeze
only slightly changing design




they're coming to get me

this summer

i'll use this summer to explore
to work
to relax

investigate the countryside
the forests
the beaches

discover things i'd never noted in this state
and for once feel at home

visit the old
create new

winding through narrow streets
flying over hills
racing through the open road

and for once coming to peace with myself
at a place i've never been able to

not all about the sex ~!~

sometimes just fooling around
wrestling
tickling
generally acting childish
is a lot more rewarding than fucking

especially with someone you never expected to

i was wrong ~!~

things aren't the same as they were before

too many series of changes
we no longer are the same as we were

i am no longer the girl i used to be
you no longer the same man


compatible, yes, as friends
no longer as anything more

we've grown up
grown apart
changed

anger ~!~

anger is beginning to outweigh my bouts of depression

the crying spells are replaced with fury
expressions of emotion taken out through violence
against myself and others

my reaction against being hurt is no longer as it was
i no longer spend hours sulking
crying
talking it out with friends

now, all i feel is rage
hatred
i'm irritable
and ready to explode at any second

convenience ~!~

convenient
that is all i am

always around
always willing to submit
always there when needed

just as easy to toss to the side

give me something to believe ~!~

what am i living for?

needing something more

a step back

lost objective


living simply to exist
no purpose other than survival




i've lost myself
my future

no sleep til brooklyn ~!~

to bed at sunrise
awaken only a few moments later

long, exhausting days
hours in the sun
running here and there
fatigued
yet i am not allowed to rest

cannot rest

hey you ~!~

the day is coming

we'll see what happens

look into the future
the past
and take it from there